A Personal Transformation

On the thirteenth of this month, just before the close of the new moon cycle, I undertook a physical transformation to accompany my present spiritual journey shaving away all the past months’ emotions of pain and suffering, as had accumulated in the hair on my head, down to naked skin and gray shadow. Exposed and fragile yet clear and fresh, I had stood naked on the bathroom tile under the drip of cold stream water for 2 hours shaving to the scalp until trembling from cold Christine helped me finish the back of my head and rinse off in a cold shower as the sun began to set. A meditative awakening jolting me back in resonance with my heart center, eliminating the ash that had been clouding my inner vision and connection as of late. Fascinated I gently traced my fingers over the newly exposed skin trying to recall whether in this physical life these places over my skull had ever been touched so directly, with so much wonder. Spaces so soft and then like shark’s skin in a different direction, spaces finally shedding a barrier to direct contact even as new hairs pricked to the surface, recording new emotions.

So strange the sensations, strangers looking at you as if you were terminally ill or a devout religious fanatic or plain crazy or overlooking you completely as just another shave-headed young boy. And the letting go of ego in not placing any importance on the thoughts of outsiders, just trying to let the inner and the outer meld, become each other. Letting go of what one gender is permitted or not permitted to do or express in their physical appearance, letting go of the concepts of beauty and ugliness, letting go of stereotypes, expectations, and prejudices, of labels and categories, letting go of the historical images of freshly shaven women locked in asylums, taken to the gallows, tied to the stake. Many have been my inspiration to shave away my hair, burning a past in a ritual of cycles closing, cycles opening, awareness ever growing, ever learning.

I am certain my experience, my revelations are not unique, that many other men and women have felt similar cathartic release in exposing their scalp, have meditated on its personal meaning, have used the physical shedding as a foundation for a new beginning as well as a closing. For me the act marks a commitment to my spiritual practice and to self-healing and self-care; a commitment to meditation and reflection, pressing and holding open a connection to spirit so that the Universe’s energy may flow through me without stagnation. My shaved head is a reminder to make a physical space in my daily life for such meditation and observation; that my true purpose on this earth is not to cater to the whims of ego or even current societal expectation. In fact despite such weighted and ever-present distractions I must follow the path of an inner consciousness, an instinct of spirit long in evolution and memory, a connection that, I have found in practice, is held open though intentional invitation, concentration, meditation, imagination, envisioning. Whether one accesses this realm of being through repetitious chanting, prayer, humming vibration, or physical movement is irrelevant. The importance is the act of connection, of releasing stagnation, of allowing Spirit to flow, of recognizing divine expression, of filling our heart centers with gratitude. What words or dogma or activities we need to begin the journey are those which resonate with us at this very moment and from there we can become the imaginative, spiritual explorers of our destiny. For me this re-beginning of re-connecting is physically marked with a shaven head, but we each create our own rituals to demonstrate commitment, to self-remind. That we each seek out what deeply resonates within us, nurture that instinct, and commit to its exploration in the physical and spiritual realms of our lives; that is the Universe’s unique message to us, entrusted at our birth for discovery. Go seek it.